How to Start Therapy
Hello! My name is Andi Tolbert, and I’m a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Pennsylvania. If you’re here, you are reading the first blog of many through Tala Collective. Part of my practice is making therapy and mental health resources more accessible. Access to mental health care is something a majority of the population struggles with. Once a month, I’ll be sharing on a variety of topics related to mental health.
One of the top questions I get asked is, “How do I start therapy?” This is such a valid and relatable question. There’s no right answer, but I’m going to dive into how to find and pick a therapist, what therapy might look like for the first time, and reasons someone might go to therapy.
How to Find a Therapist
There are so many avenues you can take when it comes to this step. If you’re someone who is using insurance, I’d start with checking what your benefits are related to mental health care. Ask yourself questions like:
Do you want to use insurance for therapy?
What are your in-network and out-of-network benefits?
If you find someone out of network you want to work with, will this work for you financially?
Can your insurance provide you with a list of providers?
Tips & Tricks:
Ask a doctor or primary care physician if they have any referrals or recommendations.
Ask your friends and family members if they’ve worked with a therapist before.
Google can be your best friend. Search “therapist near me” or “therapy in [insert city]”
Search databases like Psychology Today.
Picking a Therapist
This is hard. I’ll tell you right now, there are thousands of therapists out there, and if the first one you meet is not a good fit for you, don’t be discouraged; try another one. Finding a good fit for your therapeutic relationship is very important. I tell all of my prospective clients, “If this is not a good fit for you, I’m not taking it personally. Let’s get you the care you’re looking for.”
Things you might take into consideration if you’re not sure what kind of therapist you’re looking for:
Modality: Do you know if you’d like to work with a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapist (DBT), or need a therapist specializing in trauma or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy?
Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation: Some people prefer to work with a therapist whose gender identity or sexual orientation aligns with or is understanding of their own experiences. You might consider whether you feel more comfortable with a male, female, nonbinary, cisgender, transgender, or LGBTQIA+ therapist.
Faith-Based: Are you seeking faith-based or Christian counseling?
Race/Ethnicity: As a Filipina-American, I work with a range of clients from all backgrounds, however, some prospective clients find it comforting to work with someone they feel can validate and relate to their life or culture.
Age: I’ve had both younger clients and elderly clients not want to work with me because of my age, and that’s ok!
In-Person vs. Telehealth: Some therapists are hybrid (offer in-person and telehealth services) or telehealth only. Or maybe they’re not within driving distance to you, but you still want to work with them.
Ok, so now we’ve booked our initial intake with a therapist. What do we talk about when we meet them?
Ask yourself questions like:
What have I been noticing about myself and my life that made me think, “I want to meet with a therapist?”
What happened that made me feel like I might need some help?
This brings me to my final areas to discuss.
What Will My First Session Look Like?
I think every therapist handles the intake process differently. Your therapist will have forms that you fill out before your appointment. After that, it’s really a “get to know you” time. You might talk about your “reason” for coming to therapy. You might talk about your experience in counseling, your family history, your relationships, your feelings about being in therapy, etc.
If you’re able to do a consultation with the therapist you’re pursuing, this is a good question to ask them: “What can I expect in our first session?”
Reasons Someone Might Seek Therapy
Any reason is a valid reason.
Struggling with relationships (family, dating, marriage, friendships, work)
Feeling anxious and/or depressed
Lifestyle changes (marriage, divorce, college, major life transitions)
Grief and loss (this doesn’t have to be death either, it could be a breakup, or you lost your job)
Identity work (I just don’t feel like myself or I don’t like who I am)
Parenting (there’s no handbook on how to raise children)
Trauma
Wanting to improve something about yourself (communication, confidence, self-esteem)
There are a lot of other reasons, but these are a few that stand out to me.
Taking the initiative to start therapy is a big deal. As far as we’ve come with normalizing it, there are still stigmas attached to mental health. Aside from that, no one talks about how weird it can feel to actually start therapy. We hear a lot about how therapy has helped us but the beginning can be unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and confusing. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t feel anything after an initial session. Building a relationship takes time and so does healing.